Every morning, I stand in my balcony (on the sixth floor) and watch as my two oldest get on the bus below. And it never fails: there is always some idiot in a rush behind the bus, honking to try to speed things up. That’s normal here…but it still annoys me to such an extent that I find myself imagining the following scenario:
I stand in the balcony as usual, but this time I’m armed: beside me is a basket full of water balloons. Out loud, I warn the drivers below not to be idiots and rush young kids boarding their school bus. I warn them not to rush the bus itself so that the bus driver doesn’t get anxious and pull away before the kids are seated. I warn them…But of course, they don’t listen. The but stops, my first son gets on, then just as my second son is about to lift himself in, you hear, “HONK!!” Less than a second later he’s startled by the loud “THUD” and doesn’t quite understand why there is water all over his hood! He steps out of his car, looking around him in confusion. Was it just his car that got rained on? And why did his car shake a bit? Did anyone else feel that? He’ll end up seeing the pieces of balloon and figuring it out, so he’ll look up at the apartment building, searching for the culprit. When he finally spots me, I’ll simply say, “Next time, don’t be an idiot! And hurry up! You’re holding up traffic!”
I’m going to do it sometime. But the idea itself got me thinking about when I was younger, maybe middle school aged. My brothers and I would have water fights…inside!!! Both of my parents worked, so during the summer (or was it after school, just before the summer?) the three of us would be home alone. And OH! The havoc we would cause!! We didn’t necessarily have balloons on hand, so we just filled cups, and chased each other around the house. Just before 5, when my dad was due to be home, we would scramble trying to wipe things up and destroying any and all evidence. Someone would yell out: “Can you see his car, yet?” After a quick check out the window, you’d hear, “Not yet…but I know he’s almost here. Hurry! Hurry!”
And inevitably one of the those checks would be followed by: “OH CRAP!!! There’s his car! He’s driving down the street! We’re not gonna make it!!”
But just before his key turned in the door, we each jumped on a couch, and did a good job of pretending like we’d been just hanging out the whole time. And they never found out.
So don’t go telling them. Actually, forget that…don’t tell my kids!!!