Whispers

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‘It’s just a little white lie,’ he whispers into your ear. ‘You’ll finish that report after you play the game…your mom doesn’t need to know exactly when you got it done.’ You call out that you’ve finished, the video game shaking in your hand and you hold your breath and listen. When her footsteps fade down the hall you force that feeling of guilt away with an unsure smile.

He’s a little one…still young. They start out small, too.

‘So many people do this; it’s not a big deal,’ he murmurs inaudibly as you nod your head and shove the pack of cigarettes to the bottom of the drawer, hidden beneath neatly folded shirts. ‘Good, now no one needs to know and you can smoke whenever you want,’ he cheers in his unheard voice.

He’s a bit older, a bit bigger. And he accompanies you everywhere you go.

‘If they didn’t want you to cheat, they wouldn’t give you unsupervised exams. You think everyone here is actually following the honor code?! No one is…why should you?’ His voice is firm. Watching you copy the answers from the book, he chuckles imperceptibly.

He’s an adult now. And he thinks he has full control over you.

‘You have no choice,’ he screams silently into your soul. ‘She’s given all her attention away with nothing left for you. That other woman will give you comfort. Call her, go to her. It’s your only chance for happiness.’

He sits between you and the woman who carried you through the years, consoled you in the dark and reflected your sunshine in the light, the one who planned to stand by you and lift you up, even if it meant that would cause her to drown. He sits between you, his presence tangible, causing you to look upon her with disdain. His laughter tears apart your life as he places it on his shelf as another trophy won, another paradise so gracefully brought to rubble.

Following his whispers – one by one – from his child form till he became a titan, you watched goodness collapse and your world crumble.

There had always been another voice, you know. There had been an inner feeling, guiding you away from him, urging you to remain pure, pleading with you to ignore the whispers.

It’s still there, that inner feeling. It’s not too late to tune out his whispers.

Tune out his whispers and tune in to you.

New Breath

bent flower

Your tongue shot the bullet that pierced my heart,

Rang confusion in my ears,

Filled my lungs with smoke…

And choked my soul.

Beaten and broken,

Without a friend to turn to,

I fell to my knees and whispered,

“God…my heart is heavy. I’m so very sad.”

He let me cry all the tears I needed,

Until His Grace covered me,

And I finally fell asleep.

Now my laughter is the dam

Which keeps the tears at bay,

Hanging to the thread of hope,

That the nightmare be forgotten,

That your shoulders have the strength to hold me.

All the while,

I whisper to my Lord,

Begging Him to bless us,

Begging Him to destroy the demons

Before

They destroy

Us.

A Different Language

man-walking-away-2

You and I,

We don’t speak the same language.

Your mind understands my words,

But it’s not your mind I need to reach.

The words of my heart are clear:

Respect me – honor me – cherish me.

But you don’t understand all that’s left unsaid.

You don’t hear all my soul has screamed.

It calls to you,

It tells you to reach for me,

It tells you to wrap me in the warmth of your safety.

Your mind understands my words,

But it’s not your mind I need to reach.

When you offer me a morsel,

Give it life, then walk away,

I try to untangle what you’ve said,

Try to filter out the pain.

My mind understands your words,

But it’s my heart that feels the hurt.

You continue, in your manner,

With nothing else to say.

Foolishly, I wait for more.

You and I,

We don’t speak the same language.

A Simple Apology

I was LIVID!! Smoke was starting to come out of my ears!! I mean, how often do I even see him during the whole month? And here he was, on the phone with a friend…for TWO WHOLE HOURS!! I didn’t care if he was helping this guy with an issue he was having with his fiancee!! Two hours was just too much to take!

And I wasn’t going to let it go.  As soon as he hangs up, I told myself, I’m gonna let him have it! He never gets it when I tell him he spends too much time on the phone, so this was not going to be pretty.

Finally, he hung up. And walked over to me. When he was about 6 or 7 feet away, he says–repeatedly as he continues to walk–“I’m  sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

And somehow…magically…that was all it took to put out my anger.

Sometimes a simple apology makes the biggest difference.